Vik's Posted January 24, 2017 Share Posted January 24, 2017 Why are deer nuts better than beer nuts? . Beer nuts cost $1.50 but deer nuts are under a buck. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vik's Posted January 25, 2017 Share Posted January 25, 2017 Why does Dr Pepper come in bottles? His Wife died. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
steve454 Posted January 26, 2017 Share Posted January 26, 2017 A woman noticed her husband standing on the bathroom scale, sucking in his stomach. "Ha!, she said, that's not going to help". "Sure it does," he replied, "it's the only way I can see the numbers" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vik's Posted January 26, 2017 Share Posted January 26, 2017 Why did I get divorced? Well, last week was my birthday. My wife didn't wish me a happy birthday. My parents forgot and so did my kids. I went to work and even my colleagues didn't wish me a happy birthday. As I entered my office, my secretary said, "Happy birthday, boss!" I felt so special. She asked me out for lunch. After lunch, she invited me to her apartment. We went there and she said, "Do you mind if I go into the bedroom for a minute?" "Okay," I said. She came out 5 minutes later with a birthday cake, my wife, my parents, my kids, my friends, & my colleagues all yelling, "SURPRISE!!!" while I was waiting on the sofa... naked Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vik's Posted January 26, 2017 Share Posted January 26, 2017 On 13.01.2017 at 2:41 PM, steve454 said: "My wife and I were happy for 23 years. Then we met" I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
steve454 Posted January 27, 2017 Share Posted January 27, 2017 What is the difference between a dirty bus station and a shrimp with breast implants? One is a crusty bus station, the other is a busty crustacean. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rehab1 Posted January 27, 2017 Share Posted January 27, 2017 On 1/26/2017 at 2:30 AM, Vik's said: Why did I get divorced? Well, last week was my birthday. My wife didn't wish me a happy birthday. My parents forgot and so did my kids. I went to work and even my colleagues didn't wish me a happy birthday. As I entered my office, my secretary said, "Happy birthday, boss!" I felt so special. She asked me out for lunch. After lunch, she invited me to her apartment. We went there and she said, "Do you mind if I go into the bedroom for a minute?" "Okay," I said. She came out 5 minutes later with a birthday cake, my wife, my parents, my kids, my friends, & my colleagues all yelling, "SURPRISE!!!" while I was waiting on the sofa... naked OMG...I feel like an open book on this forum! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
steve454 Posted January 29, 2017 Share Posted January 29, 2017 Why was the sand wet? Because the sea weed. Arf Arf arf,oww! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rehab1 Posted January 29, 2017 Share Posted January 29, 2017 7 minutes ago, steve454 said: Why was the sand wet? Because the sea weed. Weed... peed....I got it...with a little help from Alexa! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
steve454 Posted January 30, 2017 Share Posted January 30, 2017 "If you told a cow a really funny joke, could she laugh so much that milk would come out of her nose?" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vik's Posted January 30, 2017 Share Posted January 30, 2017 I had a Freudian slip with my wife the other day. I meant to say "Honey, please pass the salt" but instead I said "You bitch.. you ruined my life."In case anyone is wondering, a Freudian slip is when you say one thing but meant to fuck your mother. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Smoother Posted January 30, 2017 Share Posted January 30, 2017 1 hour ago, Vik's said: In case anyone is wondering, a Freudian slip is when you say one thing but meant to fuck your mother. The joke, I've heard before, but this (quoted) was priceless, took me completely by surprise. ? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elizabeth Daggett Posted January 30, 2017 Share Posted January 30, 2017 A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
steve454 Posted January 31, 2017 Share Posted January 31, 2017 Animal testing is a terrible idea. They get all nervous and start giving wrong answers. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
steve454 Posted February 1, 2017 Share Posted February 1, 2017 What's the difference between a teacher and a train? The teacher says spit your gum out, the train goes choo choo! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
steve454 Posted February 1, 2017 Share Posted February 1, 2017 On 1/28/2017 at 7:10 PM, Rehab1 said: Weed... peed....I got it...with a little help from Alexa! Did you see the one where the child asked it something and Alexa misunderstood and started talking about sex? And the funniest part was when the father was trying to turn it off without alarming the child. Alexa, no, something else. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vik's Posted February 1, 2017 Share Posted February 1, 2017 5 hours ago, steve454 said: Did you see the one where the child asked it something and Alexa misunderstood and started talking about sex? And the funniest part was when the father was trying to turn it off without alarming the child. Alexa, no, something else. Sex education is much better than sex ignorance Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
steve454 Posted February 2, 2017 Share Posted February 2, 2017 A pirate walks in to a bar with a steering wheel on his pants, a parrot on his shoulder, and a peg leg. The bartender says "Hey, there's a steering wheel on your pants" The pirate says, "Arrr, I know, it's driving me nuts." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
steve454 Posted February 3, 2017 Share Posted February 3, 2017 A man, his dog, and a horse were walking in the desert. The dog said, "I can't go on, I need some water." The man said, "I didn't know you could talk." The horse said, "Neither did I." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vik's Posted February 3, 2017 Share Posted February 3, 2017 My EX girlfriend had this weird fetish She'd like to dress up as herself and act like a fucking bitch" -Bo Burnham Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
steve454 Posted February 6, 2017 Share Posted February 6, 2017 "What's brown and sticky? A stick" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
steve454 Posted February 6, 2017 Share Posted February 6, 2017 What did the sheriff say about the guy with 15 bullet wounds? "Worst case of suicide I ever seen." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dalewalker Posted February 6, 2017 Share Posted February 6, 2017 whats bruce lee's favourite drink? wa-teeeer (water) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dalewalker Posted February 6, 2017 Share Posted February 6, 2017 an old joke pic i made a year or so ago for a laugh Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dalewalker Posted February 6, 2017 Share Posted February 6, 2017 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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